A Self-Help Psychology Book For Boys?

Fifty-five years ago, a Norman Vincent Peale, a protestant minister, offered a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking." It quickly became a best-seller, and has sold upwards of 7-million copies. Peale's book was religious-based, of course, but could be considered a precursor to what is now called cognitive behavior theory.

Today we are beginning to understand that the root of most emotional and personality problems is low self-esteem. Our self-image arises from judgments we make about ourselves over the years. These are often invalid, having been arrived at using information we have stored away in our brain from the time that our minds began to function in a cognitive way. In the beginning, our minds have very little data available that can be applied to understanding what's happening to us, and what's going on around us. Therefore, much of what we conclude about those inputs is invalid. Those flawed perceptions are then applied to understanding new inputs, and thereby beget even more invalid perceptions about our little world and ourselves.

To make matters worse, children have a lot to learn, and are almost constantly being instructed and corrected. Unless handled with sensitivity to the possibility of misperceptions, the learning process intrinsically engenders feelings of inferiority as the learner evaluates himself in comparison to those doing the teaching. The process is usually not conducted with great patience and sensitivity to the learner, since those imparting the instruction - parents, teachers, and other authority figures - often have problematical emotional issues and personality organizations of their own, which resulted from the same flawed upbringing.

Unfortunately, by the time we embark upon our second decade in life, our minds are loaded with lots of misperceptions and incorrect information about almost everything, including ourselves. During our waking hours, we are continuously presented with new sensations and observations, which the mind must make some sense of and appropriately file. What is already in our minds serves as the data by which we evaluate these new inputs, so to the extent that the data is bad, the new thinking is likely to be flawed. Thus, misperceptions beget more misperceptions, and as we continue to grow during our second ten years in life, we become progressively more self-defeating and unhappy.

Sometimes this process ends in death. Some develop a feeling that they are so flawed and worthless that their death would not be a great loss, and therefore feel no need to worry much about keeping themselves out of harms way. In the absence of such care, or the presence of such a "death wish," harm often catches up with them. Others resort to suicide as a means of finally ending their misery and emotional pain.

Otherwise, the misery is apt to continue until an emotional crisis occurs, usually not until we are well into adult life. If it is mild, it is usually called a "mid-life crisis" or "menopause." Often it is diagnosed as a full-blown nervous breakdown, or worse.

Dr. Peale attempted to teach his readers how to employ the amazing powers of the mind through positive thinking to correct their self-image and improve their lives. That is the opposite of what often takes place. Through unbridled negative thinking, those same powers can turn the mind into a monster that ultimately destroys it host.

Over the past generations, people have been led to believe that behavior was inherited, or the result of one's particular brain physiology. In recent generations, emotional issues and personality problems have been thought to arise from deeply repressed psychological problems; things so shameful or otherwise disturbing as to be reachable only through lengthy treatments in therapy. These were seen as mental problems or disorders, and sometimes even insanity. People involved in therapy were referred to as "patients", the term suggesting that they were sick in the head, or "mentally ill." These ideas did much to discourage people from facing up to the fact that they had such problems, and doing anything about them. This has been especially true for men, who are typically taught to be tough, and that emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Now we are beginning to realize these stereotypes are not only invalid, but also harmful.

Meanwhile, we are also learning that the mind is far more powerful than anyone knew, and is easily capable of dealing with the roots of our unhappiness and ineffectiveness, which, on the other hand, are far less complicated than previously thought. Furthermore, it is clear that emotional issues and personality problems do not have to happen in the first place, but have become the norm simply because through our ignorance we have permitted them to do so.

It seems obvious to me that it makes no sense to permit children's' minds to develop however they will, then worry about changing their minds somewhere in their adult years, often after they've wasted the best part of their lives in neuroticism. Young people can be taught enough about how their mind works as to be able to take control of what goes into it, making rational judgments about the meaning and significance of what is presented to it, before storing the information away. The question is who will do this?

At this point in our culture, any institutionalized attempt to teach our children "mind control" is apt to be abhorrent to many. Most parents would interpret that as an attempt to usurp their prerogatives, especially if they had reason to fear that their children might wind up more rational and emotionally well-adjusted than they are.

This is the purpose of my writing "Mind Over Monster," a book for pre-adolescent boys; to make the knowledge available on a voluntary basis for those who want to take advantage of it. Mind Over Monster is not a religious book, or a self-help book that promises easily achieved miracles. It is a plain-English introduction to what neurologists and psychologists are presenting as a new understanding, but what grandparents of generations past were apt to commonly share with young members of their families - that happiness and success in life, like any other skill, is something that can be learned and constantly improved upon through practice.

[-=glw=-]

MOM Web Page: www.boysmindbooks.com/mom/

I’ve become progressively more disgusted with religion.

I might write a book about that!

The sermons of late have cast aspersions on other faith traditions, and even on other denominations within our own faith. That's personally rather irritating, since our son-in-law, for example, is Asian and of the Buddhist persuasion. This does not square with our Presbyterian philosophy of tolerance and inclusiveness, and I find it unnecessary and distasteful. There are lots of other things one can pick on. Ironically, he's one of the "members of the military" whom the congregation has been dutifully praying for every Sunday since the beginning of the Bush wars. I suppose we should make his faith orientation known so we could stop wasting our prayers on him.

This week it was the Pope. Last week it was non-Christians, and even the Dalai Lama. I don't suppose anyone's going to get their back up over digs at Benedict; he has never come across as a person in need of one's loyalty and support. He looks mean-spirited, and if I remember correctly, he was formerly John Paul's "enforcer." But the Dalai Lama is such a nice man; relaxed and smiling all the time and saying nice things about everyone and everything. I'm suspicious of the motives of any man who would bad-mouth the Dalai Lama. Here again, there are a lot of worse people one might more appropriately pick on, indeed many of whom profess to be right-thinking fundamentalists and evangelicals. For starters, we could visit newamericancentury.org and jot down several names, then whitehouse.gov for a few more. Now that TALON has been shut down, I daresay many of these are certifiable "war criminals," responsible for the needless deaths and disablement of thousands of our own military people, and hundreds of thousands on the other side. But that's a rant I'll leave to others.

Were it not for the fact that we still have a minor living at home, I'm not sure we'd bother dragging ourselves out of bed on Sunday mornings to make the 9 o'clock "traditional" service and drop our $20 check into the plate. The services are usually uninspiring, and sometimes even aggravating. Probably about twenty years ago, an old preacher, addressing our congregation on the occasion of our then newly-hired minister's installation, mentioned that during his retirement he'd visited numerous churches, and found them all mediocre at best. His challenge was something like, "At this moment, ladies and gentlemen, you have an opportunity to rise above mediocrity." That was prophetic in a rather pathetic way; we've been increasingly mediocre ever since.

Nevertheless, there are still some useful opportunities for our minor child; camping opportunities, summer bus trips, the Wednesday evening youth activity, and all that. And then, of course, there is always the possibility of a death in the family, or a marriage. A church affiliation comes in handy at times like those. I suppose I should also think about Sunday morning coffee times after the service; that's usually pleasant. Sometimes you meet someone new and interesting, while other times bring a hug or a nice conversation with an old acquaintance.

Our latest newly hired leader is seemingly into the evangelic movement. Our other Sunday morning service is now billed as the "contemporary service." We used to call it simply "the second service". No we traditionalist duplicitously call it "the Hootenanny." During that affair, the old organ pipes are silenced, being replaced with guitars, tambourines, bongos, and unmemorable songs, and performed by sloppily-dressed people with sandals or bare feet. The lyrics are projected on a large screen, leaving heads and hands free to be thrust heavenward. I've never quite figured out what that's all about; perhaps a reaching out for the Lord? We use to think of that sort of thing as ostentatious. But who knows? Maybe the Lord likes hootenannies and writhing worshipers better than Bach and thoughtful reverence in His presence.

Most of us "traditionalists" are among the older members of the congregation. Newer members and staff people have neither knowledge of, nor much appreciation for, the sacrifices and contributions people in the "traditional service" have made over the years. At best, we're mostly seen as irrelevant, I think; at worst, as in the way. Perhaps, like many other PCUSA congregations, we're headed towards the EPC.

Anyway, I write about things that move me to the page, and at the moment I'm thinking about doing a book called something like "A Practical Faith for the Third Millennium." It would be a simple, common sense approach to -- Christianity, I suppose, since that's the tradition I was brought up in. Christianity, when one dispenses with all the theological clutter, philosophical baggage, political correctness and magical thinking that has been brought into it over the past 2,000 years, still has lots of good stuff left in it. By itself, it would be a sufficient code for everyone in the world. However, when stripped of all that silliness, it has much in common with the basic precepts of most other faiths, so there's really no need to get pushy about that. Probably better to respect the rights of others to cling to their own traditions, and hope that they also might concentrate on the fundamentals and eschew the obfuscations brought into theirs over the generations.

I have other work in process, however. I'm no spring chicken; do I have time for this? I checked DeathClock.Com and find that as things stand I have until Friday, July 5, 2013 to get the job done. According to the clock, I could squeeze out another year by getting my BMI down to "<25". That would extend my life to Saturday, July 5, 2014. Would it be worth it; beating my brains out and depriving myself of such pleasures as an occasional beer or ice cream to loose 70 pounds, just to gain another 31,500 seconds?

Nah, I don't think so.

[-=glw=-]

Why Larry Craig Need Not Resign

"I did not have sex with that woman!" Remember that? The President of the United States said that, looking right into the eyes of his inquisitors. In his view, that was not a lie, since he apparently never did engage in sexual intercourse with the young woman in question, which is what people usually think of as "having sex." It's called "spin." Washingtonians are very good at that - obscuring the truth, without actually telling a lie.

Larry Craig says, "I am not gay. I never have been gay." He did not say he is not bisexual, or ever got it on, or wanted to get it on, with a person of his own gender. So he's probably trying to "spin" the facts of the matter.

Nouri al-Maliki, Iraq's Prime Minister, says "... American officials ... should come to their senses." He was talking about his critics in Congress, and he is more right than he probably actually knows. That is long overdue, and not just with respect to Iraq, and not just with respect to people in Congress.

Larry Craig probably is sexually attracted to certain guys, and has probably attempted to do something about it from time to time. So what? So does Barney Franks. But Larry Craig lies, you say. So what? So does everyone else in Washington when it suits them, and we tolerate it. That's why they do it.

Let's think about the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, for example. We know, beyond any doubt that our invasion of Iraq was originally justified by lies. Those lies have resulted in the deaths of thousands of our own military people and the injury, physically and emotionally, of tens of thousands of others - not to mention the deaths and injuries suffered by hundreds of thousands on the other side, and the hatred for America engendered in millions of others in the region. Had some other government engaged in this behavior, we would be calling their leaders "war criminals."

As for "common decency" and "family values", let's think about our admitted flaunting of the standards of decency we subscribed to regarding the treatment of prisoners of war, spinning that by calling our captives "enemy combatants," rather than POW's. Let's think about the flaunting of the principles that made our country great by our withholding from our captives the rights our founding documents declare humanity owes to any person as a matter of common decency.

Aren't any of these things enough to get anyone fed up with the George W. Bush regime? What is Congress thinking? What are we thinking?

So Larry Craig hit on some under-cover police officer in a public restroom. For that he should hang?

What was the under-cover cop doing in the restroom anyway? Isn't that a job for airport security - or even just the janitor? The cop wasn't there to protect the public, he was there to "get someone." That's what law enforcement does these days. The tag lines on the black and whites say, "To protect and serve." But there's no power or excitement I that. Fishing is a lot more fun, especially when the fish are biting. Cops like to set up situations that make it easy for people to do dumb things, so they can pounce on those who are suckered in and "get" them. They're called "sting operations." I'll bet the officer chosen for that duty was not unattractive, and was behaving in a way designed to encourage solicitations. Maybe we should come to our senses about "sting operations" also. The people we pay to protect and serve should not be coaxing others to misbehave.

Sex certainly sells. Were it not for the sexual nature of Larry Craig's faux pas, this story wouldn't have gained much attention. What if Senator Craig had, in effect, sold his office by taking millions of dollars worth of illegal, or shady, "campaign contributions." Nah, that happens all the time. That's not very interesting, and doesn't sell any papers. But the media is in the infotainment business, and sex is always good seller. We love to hear the dirt about other people. Perhaps it's because we can easily imagine ourselves in the same situation (before their having gotten caught at it, of course).

al-Maliki's right. We need to come to our senses. About a lot of things.

[-=glw=-]

Why I Wrote the SfS Book

Lot's of books have been written for nonprofits. People often wonder why I thought the world needed yet another one, and one focused narrowly on nonprofit corporate secretaries of the smallest organizations?

Most NPOs are small. Of the 1.6-million nonprofits in the U.S., a little over half are charitable organizations. Of these, two-thirds ... about 550,000 exempt organizations ... have gross receipts less than $25,000. These organizations cannot afford a paid professional staff. From their board of directors on down, they’re all-volunteer operations.

Officers and directors of small nonprofits are often nominated and elected simply because nobody else wants the job. Their most significant qualification is that they don’t have the mettle (or the heart) to say, "No". While volunteers are sometimes able to bring needed expertise to the organization, more often than not, the millions who are willing to give of their time come only with belief in the mission and a willingness to help. That’s admirable, of course. But it’s a handicap that keeps most of these NPOs amateurish, small, and much less effective than they’d like to be.

The corporate secretary is usually the hardest working and least appreciated member of an executive board. The Secretary does whatever it takes to make everyone else look good. Not sure you’re up to that? If you’re earnest about helping your organization build a professional-looking image and manage itself effectively, this handbook will help make up for the training and experience you aren’t able to bring to your new job. In fact, you’ll probably be the best Secretary your board has ever had!

In the process of writing the book, I developed lots of examples, templates and other useful things that I originally intended to provide with the book on a companion CD. Then I realized that a supporting web site would be a much better idea. In addition to making the downloads easily available and always up to date, I could offer even more. Among other things, the SfS website has a forum where those interested can ask questions, share ideas, or just network. Best of all, all those resources would be available to everyone, anywhere in the world. I welcome you to take advantage of that, book-buyer or not, and hope you'll find something useful there.

[-=glw=-]

SfS Companion Website: www.soultionsforsecretaries.com

Idiots and Self-Publishing

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." That's what Henry David Thoreau thought.

Well, I am not like most men. I live a small, pathetic life, and will go the the grave with nothing. The only song that'll go down with me will be whatever funeral dirge the celebrants choose to sing. I like this one (Mary Frye - 1932):

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Total crap, of course, but it's a pretty song, at least the way Libera does it. (Hint: hold your Shift key down when you click these links.)

I'd like to die rich, and that can easily happen if everyone on the Internet would go to my site and order one of my books. I've never been much of a salesman, but I've read that once you get 'em hooked, you have to press for the sale. So okay, before you dry those tears, click that link and get yourself a book right now.

[-=glw=-]

"Freedoms Watch" – A Front For The Bush Gang?

Comment to freedomswatch.org
Sunday, August 26, 2007

Re: Prime Time TV Ads and Internet Video Clips
(also viewable at http://www.freedomswatch.org/video.aspx)

Emotional appeals ... scare tactics ... typical Bush Administration propaganda. If you are anything other than a front for those people, whose agenda has been thoroughly discredited by the realities and heavily criticized by people better than I, you should recheck your premises.

We have a son on his way to Afghanistan, and a son-in-law just returned from Baghdad. Thankfully, they have managed to stay out of harms way so far. But if it happens that they too eventually become casualties, I will lay the blame at the feet of those who hijacked the White House and maneuvered our country into what future generations will surely see as one of the most shameful episodes in our history.

I will by no means support your position … that only through an eventual military victory can we be justified, save face, or otherwise provide some meaning for the casualties we have already suffered. If all the harm and heartache we have caused, for ourselves and those living in the countries we've invaded, is to ever have any meaning, perhaps it'll be that these sacrifices finally brought us all to realize that killing people and wrecking their stuff is a very ignorant approach to winning friends and positively influencing people.

My old elementary school teachers (late 1940's; early 1950's) taught us patriotism. Every morning we held our little hands over our hearts, faced the flag, and recited the Pledge of Allegiance, then sang "God Bless America", "My Country 'tis of Thee" or "The Star-Spangled Banner." They also taught us that citizenship in a wonderful republic like this was a great blessing that few others in the world had ever known, but carried with it some great responsibilities. Among those was the duty to become educated so that we would be capable of voting intelligently and responsibly, and able to function successfully as good neighbors and contributing members of our society. A second duty was to remain ever watchful over our governments, lest they fall into the hands of people whose agendas risked all those things that made our country such a wonderful place, and a light to the world.

We've come a long way since then, haven't we? A long way in the wrong direction.

[-=glw=-]